300, one of the manliest films about slave owning homosexuals since Robocop. But really the film is straight up about hetrosexual sex and the baby making. And no, I am not talking about that one awkward as fuck sex scene. The entire premise of the film is a allegory that Mr. Sulu himself will Oh My at until asphyxiation. First some MOTHERFUCKING EXPOSITION!
According to this site
www.moviebodycounts.com
the movie 300 has an "on screen bodycount" of 600. Convenient, assuming they are counting the 299 Spartans being killed that leaves us with 301 Persians killed that gives about a 1:1 Spartan to Persian on screen death ratio.
Now upon further study of the creature known as "women" average 400 eggs produced over a lifetime, assuming no pregnancies/missed periods.
Since now you have been successfully exploited we can get to the meat of the sexwhich. Okay as you already know the 300 Spartans are to defend the Hot Gates from a roving band of fetish warriors and thus also protecting Greece. The "Hot Gates" already sound kinky, even more so when you take into account that it is a vagina. The 300 Spartans are the eggs the woman has produced over a lifetime. The messenger at the beginning of the film? That was pre-ejaculate. And then the Spartans wait and see the Persians riding on rough seas....hmmm I wonder what that symbolizes.......what in sex comes in a liquid substance carrying a couple hundred thousand angry people? Thats right, EJACULATE. Again assuming that it is a 1:1 ratio of on screen deaths we can safely say that the deaths of a Spartan and Persian are not deaths at all, but, depending on how you view conception, the start of a new life. So what is Greece in all this? Thats easy. Greese is the womb. So that is how a movie about sweaty glistening men sticking their spears in people is actually about sex, oh god it was obvious all along!
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